E7 S3 | Navigating Chronic Illness and Mental Health with Chronic Illness Soul-Sisters Stacie Munnell, Yolanda Jimenez and your host, Leslie Field

In this episode of the Sick and Seeking Podcast, I share a ‘fly on the wall’ style conversation with my two chronic illness soul-sisters: Stacie and Yoli. We candidly discuss the complexities of living with chronic illnesses and mental health challenges. Our conversation sheds light on the essential role of friendship and community support in navigating these health battles.

Join us for this insightful discussion that highlights the resilience required to manage chronic illnesses and the importance of self-advocacy, body awareness, and finding humor amidst struggles.

Conversation Highlights:

Stacie's TMS Journey: Stacie shares her experience with TMS or Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation treatment, emphasizing its positive impact on her chronic pain and mental health.

Yoli's Battle with Endometriosis: Yoli opens up about the challenges of endometriosis and the misconceptions she faces while seeking medical opinions.

Leslie's Ayurvedic Practices: Leslie provides an update on her health and how incorporating Ayurvedic practices has influenced her self-care routine.

The Emotional Toll: The trio discusses the emotional challenges associated with living with chronic conditions, including grief and isolation.

The Power of Self-Advocacy: They emphasize the importance of standing up for oneself in healthcare and seeking multiple perspectives when navigating their health journeys.

Building Connections: The conversation highlights the vital role of community and connection in healing, including the joys and difficulties of maintaining relationships.

Finding Humor: They explore how humor can be a powerful tool for coping with the realities of chronic illness life.

Quotes:

"A lot of people with chronic illnesses don't completely understand that there's a mental health aspect that goes along with it." - Stacie M

"If I'm already at rock bottom, there's only one way up." - Yoli Jimenez

🌟 Connect with Leslie and Sick and Seeking Community: 🌟
Website | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram

Join an Embodied Movement Class or Wild Women's Circle!
🔥 CLICK HERE for details 🔥

🌟 FREE Support Group: Chronic Conditions - Coffee & Connection🌟
--> For people who are managing a long term health issue
-->We meet on ZOOM once a month at 12pm PT

Like The Show? Show Your Support With a Donation!

Sick and Seeking Disclaimer

Transcript

Leslie Field (05:43.326)
Let's do it. Let's jump in. Let's jump in. Who wants to go first? Stacey. All right.

Yoli Jimenez (05:44.746)
Let's do it, let's do it. Stacey, Stacey, Stacey. Stacey says, I saw her raise her hand.

Stacie M (05:49.974)
What?

Stacie M (05:55.719)
So I've been battling a lot with my mental health recently. This is one of the first holidays, seasons, that I have actually had a lot of fluctuating health. The last two years, I've been going through this for three years, but the last two years have been, I've actually been in the hospital for the last two holidays.

Thanksgiving and Christmas. And so this year I am trying to adjust to the fact that my health has good days and bad days and that I am hoping for a good day for this holiday season. So it's been affecting my mental health. Unfortunately, I think that's one of those things that a lot of people with chronic illnesses don't completely understand is that there's a mental health aspect that goes along with it.

and a lot of it is isolation aspect as well. So that's why I've been super grateful to know both of you ladies and have you both during this holiday season as support. So, but yeah, I am actually some exciting news that I am going to restart TMS, which I don't know if anybody's heard of that, that's yeah, transcranial magnetic stimulation.

yeah. And so it, it was originally used for, anxiety and depression. And then the FDA approved it for a lot more other things, but in my case for chronic pain. I did it twice last year and I had amazing results. and what it is is you go Monday through Friday and I go through UCLA, and they have a clinic over here in locally to me.

Leslie Field (07:19.824)
No.

Yoli Jimenez (07:20.842)
Hmm?

Stacie M (07:48.898)
so I don't have to travel all the way to the UCLA campus. Incredible. But you have to go Monday through Friday, but you're only there about 30 minutes to an hour each time, depending on what they're treating. But they put this interesting little cap on your head that has a bunch of different colored dots. And each different colored dots represents a different color of your brain that controls that area. And so...

Leslie Field (07:51.591)
Nice.

Leslie Field (08:11.737)
Yeah.

Stacie M (08:15.414)
Like previously they were treating chronic pain and depression. And so they were treating like the chronic pain areas up here, depression's back here. And they just developed this protocol between the psychiatrists. yeah, so my insurance just approved for me to do it again, which is super exciting because of my mental health and the challenges that I'm facing right now.

My psychiatrist has been trying with a bunch of different medications. I've been battling side effects. So this is a super, super exciting opportunity to be able to do it. Something treating the direct area of your brain that controls the pain, the emotions, that isn't an invasive. So it uses magnetic pulses. So it's not painful by any means.

Leslie Field (08:51.277)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (09:02.945)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (09:06.733)
Yeah.

Stacie M (09:15.374)
And yeah, so I'm super excited to be able to start that because I have had incredible results with that in the past.

Leslie Field (09:21.634)
I don't, I didn't even know you did that. That sounds amazing.

Stacie M (09:24.258)
Yeah, I did do it. It was a very last ditch effort to treat the chronic pain last year. And my insurance said we are all for it because I had tried so many other avenues that it was like, it would help the pain, but it would only help for a short period of time. And then I would have a flare up. So this is actually after I did it the first time, I had about six months of pain.

Yoli Jimenez (09:24.382)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Leslie Field (09:31.213)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (09:40.61)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (09:47.339)
Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (09:53.474)
my daily pain was a six to seven out of 10. Before that, for a long time, it went to about a two or three out of 10 daily. So it was incredible.

Yoli Jimenez (10:00.828)
Wow!

Leslie Field (10:01.633)
Wow.

So after the treatment, it went down to like a two to, you said three. Whoa.

Stacie M (10:08.098)
Yeah, daily. And I had about a six months of relief and I had to redo the course again, but I had the exact same positive effect with it as well. So when I had my consult this past week, I asked the psychiatrist, do people typically do more than one course? Like, what's the norm? You know, and he said, sometimes we have to treat people on a regular basis with this if we know that it helps.

Leslie Field (10:27.467)
Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (10:34.528)
So that was reassuring to me. was like, okay, third round. I don't feel like I'm, you know, just jumping into something. So yeah, so my whole care team is super excited about that. Yeah.

Leslie Field (10:39.797)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (10:46.544)
I'm excited about that. I didn't know that you did that and whoa, wow. So, I mean, I guess we can give a little bit of a backstory. I know you, I think when we met, you were still searching for your diagnosis or like you got it like the week after we met. Do you remember that?

Yoli Jimenez (10:47.922)
I'm excited too.

Stacie M (10:56.745)
Yeah.

Stacie M (11:00.854)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (11:06.026)
Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (11:07.644)
Yeah, yeah. So I went about two and a half years being completely undiagnosed in and out of the hospital, literally almost monthly, either due to pain, due to the fact that I just couldn't walk anymore. I went through so much medical trauma with the doctors telling me it's all in your head, it's anxiety, you're too young to have a disability, it's

You know, we don't know what's causing the pain, but we'll treat the pain. And I transitioned from one medical system over to the next. And when I got over to UCLA, I had incredible medical team over there that has pursued, pursued. And I was ultimately diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos syndrome, which is a genetic disease that attacks the collagen in your body.

And so since collagen covers head to toe, know, all sorts of every structure in your body, I get muscular pain, get nerve pain, I get tendonitis a lot because the tendons are affected. So just a lot of different, very little symptoms. It all started with pain and they couldn't figure out for the longest time.

Leslie Field (12:25.649)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (12:31.069)
Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (12:33.654)
That journey, I was also diagnosed with POTS, which is a, yeah, dysautonomia. So this time of year, the cooler weather, I've been dealing with more joint pain, but I'd rather deal with the joint pain than the effects that I get from the hot weather, which is, you know, sometimes high heart rate, inability to tolerate basically anything over 80 degrees. I'm like done. Yeah.

Leslie Field (12:37.277)
That's right.

Yoli Jimenez (12:39.22)
Bye.

Leslie Field (13:00.079)
Wow. And let's also remind everyone, that they would actually know this, you were a nurse. I mean, you are a nurse. You're registered nurse, right?

Stacie M (13:08.77)
Yes. Yeah, yes. So I worked in hospice and palliative care for the last, I mean, I haven't worked for about three years now. I've been on disability. I attempted to go back to work last year a couple of times and my body just told me it wasn't time. I ended up in a flare up every time. So I said, you know what, I need to take a little bit more time off. Yeah. Ultimately I had to go on disability, but

Yoli Jimenez (13:09.833)
Yep.

Leslie Field (13:25.852)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (13:32.218)
Yeah.

Stacie M (13:37.952)
you know, things are slowly starting to look up right now, but I've been battling with social security, Medicare, Medi-Cal, all of those systems are.

Leslie Field (13:46.363)
Mm-hmm. Which is in itself feels like a part-time job, even though there's restrictions on, I believe, how many hours you can work. Which is just mind-boggling to me. We can go down that route in a second. But I think it might be time to just hear and just introduce Yoli. Just bring her on in. Yoli! Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (13:46.811)
Thank

Yoli Jimenez (13:53.61)
Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (14:05.791)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (14:06.058)
Don't mind if I do! Yes! Well, I've been like, I mean, going back to what Stacey just said, I think the biggest thing for me has been to navigate. mean, endometriosis in itself has been, I mean, like a really like a challenge and a battle. I think a lot of people don't understand it.

and assume that it's a bad cramp, assume that it's like a bad period, they don't really understand what happens, right? And so I think, you know, especially for endometriosis, there's so many things that can go unnoticed, right? Fatigued or it can be misdiagnosed. You know, in my case, a lot of fatigue. I mean, the pain was so bad, like I couldn't even walk sometimes, back pain.

And so it's been a battle. It's truly been a battle to be able to get my symptoms under control. you know, and like I had told you guys, you know, I'm getting that second opinion tomorrow. Yes. Yes, I know. I know. Finally.

Leslie Field (15:25.184)
Yoly, do you know every week I've been thinking, I wonder where that second opinion every week, every week. Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (15:26.686)
you.

Yoli Jimenez (15:29.638)
Have you?

my god, you know what? And I remember you looked at me and we were, you know, had, you know, lunch and you were like, you know, you need a second opinion. And I'm like, yeah, you know, like it takes a lot, like it takes a lot, right? Like you, you know, you brought it up to me. I had thought about it already and Stacey had mentioned it too, but like sometimes it's also a lot of fear. It's fear driven, right? Like if I take another second opinion, what's gonna happen? What are they gonna say?

Leslie Field (15:45.826)
Yes.

Yoli Jimenez (16:02.332)
You know, and I think living with a chronic condition, it's also very like, it's changing. One day is not identical to the next. One day you're feeling great. You make plans for the next day. The next day, you happen to just not be able to do anything that day. So I feel like that's a challenge. I feel like mentally it's a struggle. It's hard to maintain friendships.

It's hard to kind of just take it all in and just, it's hard to plan. I find it hard to plan for anything nowadays. Just because I don't know how I'll be, you know? And so right now, I'm just looking for some stability and I'm open to whatever might happen or come up or, you know, just like a, just trying to feel better, you know? And like just, and trying not to have surgery right away. So I'm holding.

Leslie Field (17:00.128)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (17:01.058)
hold on on the surgery hold off it's scary and so but yeah finally tomorrow I'll be I'll doing that I'll have my second opinion and and and I think that's also something that you go you put you guys probably experienced it's you take second opinions third opinions you know you just you have to right because it's pretty complex what we're going through you know we each have our own thing and it's like it's complex and so

Leslie Field (17:23.017)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (17:30.388)
kind of also dealing with like doctors who don't have the bed, the best bedside manners, you know? And sometimes say things and you leave you wondering, thinking like, am I really never gonna be able to have kids? Is it gonna really be that hard to get pregnant one day, you know? So life changes because of a diagnosis, it does change. But essentially I feel like I'm the same person, but I've learned to have to be a little bit more like resilient.

Leslie Field (17:36.181)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (17:52.436)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (17:59.592)
because it's hard, it's hard, anxiety and depression, it's so real, especially when you're just dealing with a lot of pain on a daily basis, it's so real. And I think people often think like, it's just depression, it's gonna go away, or you're just in pain like you were yesterday or the day before, but it's an experience. And I guess...

Leslie Field (18:26.023)
Mm-hmm. Mm.

Yoli Jimenez (18:28.692)
just honoring that and accepting that this is where I'm at right now, it's sometimes hard to do. It's hard.

Leslie Field (18:37.649)
I think it's incredibly hard for all of us. you know, just to share this with everyone who's listening, you know, we met because of my movement classes. So that's how we all came together. And it wasn't until, Yoli, I remember how you came to the picture. Stacey, I think you just found it as well. And then...

Yoli Jimenez (18:40.596)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (18:48.808)
Yeah, I know.

Leslie Field (19:00.728)
I mean, I don't even, it just kind of wasn't even the front and center thing. You weren't even sharing with me your health issues. I could tell there was like something going on, but when we say, when you think like something's going on, it could be anything from like a relationship issue to like a loss of a family member to a health issue. It's like, you don't really know. where's Yoli? What happened? Okay. She's fine. You're fine. You're good. Something happened. Okay, good.

Yoli Jimenez (19:21.112)
here! I just- I left for little bit but I'm back.

Leslie Field (19:30.02)
It was amazing because I think a lot of people are drawn to the embodied movement and the somatic work that I'm doing, but I never know why and I don't want to pry and I want them to share as much as they want to share. And then it became abundantly clear. It was like, my gosh, we all have health problems. Like what is happening? It wasn't a super surprise also because I tend to bring forward and find people who are also managing major stuff going on in their body. But I just really appreciate, we've only...

We only met earlier this year and it's been really a great support to have you both in my life because even though we're navigating something different, there's so much overlap. It doesn't matter if it's endometriosis or Ehlers-Danlos or chronic kidney disease. There's like a lot of overlap. I guess maybe the thing I don't overlap with both of you is I don't have chronic pain. That's probably the only thing I know I don't have. But when it comes to the isolation, it comes to like...

not being able to rely on your body and like you make plans and you know, like even so I've actually been, guess I'll give my update if you want to hear it since this is a legit check in with one another. A few weeks ago, I think we might've connected or we were texting with one another that I saw my nephrologist and the way the meeting or appointment went was just not good for me. It really set me into a spiral. I was like,

Yoli Jimenez (20:38.07)
Yes!

Stacie M (20:38.985)
Leslie Field (20:56.097)
everything's going bad, know, like my kidneys, what's happening, I'm eating all the wrong foods. I was in like such a fear state. It was really bad. And it was a shame because, you know, I went into that appointment thinking like, not, I was like, I'm not gonna listen to what she tells me. And I'm just gonna stay the path I'm on right now, working with my Ayurvedic doctor, and I'm gonna have her too. But then boom, she just sent me into a spiral. And it took like probably a good three weeks to get out of that spiral.

really dark. It felt like the world was collapsing. I was like, it felt like I was going to need a kidney transplant tomorrow. Like it was really, really, really dark. And so I've been crawling myself out of that and just sticking with, I've told you my Ayurvedic protocol, working with the doctors from India. And I think I might've shared last time, like I've just been open-minded to it. I'm not really like expecting anything. Now would I like things to improve? Yes, obviously. But I've just kind of been going with it and

I had a treatment this morning and I did an oil treatment. So there's these different things that they do to help your body and Ayurveda. And one of them are these different types of oil treatments, whether they're detox or there's some sort of relaxing component to it. I don't really know how it all works, but the one I did today was called an Abhyanga. It's like more of a relaxing one and a lot of oil all over the body. And I felt really good after. And we've been doing these series of these different oil treatments.

And even today, the woman who gave me the treatment, she's quite intuitive. She's like, your body feels really strong today. And she didn't mean like, like muscular strong. She meant like, you're like, could tell she was like, your life force feels really strong. And I'm like, yeah. And I've been working with her for a couple of months now. So she, she saw me during those like spiral weeks when I was like in a really bad place. And I was just like, I don't know what I'm doing. I kind of like that. I give up, like I don't, I don't know what to do anymore.

Yoli Jimenez (22:33.172)
Right, right, right.

Yoli Jimenez (22:47.416)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (22:53.749)
So to today, like to see that I've been on this journey and that she could feel it too, she's like, you just feel it. And I'm like, I do, feel really good in my body. Whatever we're doing with these treatments seem to be working. I'm being thoughtful about what I'm eating. And so I'm actually been feeling really good. I've been taking all the herbal remedies. Okay, so then I have been feeling really good for like a few weeks, right? So then the last few days I decided I wanted to be a normal person.

Yoli Jimenez (23:11.768)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (23:22.695)
Leslie Field (23:23.987)
It didn't go well, guys. Didn't go well. So, I will explain. Let me explain.

Yoli Jimenez (23:27.778)
Can you explain what does... You know what I mean? What does normal mean? What does normal constitute, you know?

Stacie M (23:29.824)
Yeah. We know what that means, but it's the same.

Leslie Field (23:35.209)
Live. I know. Well, I was feeling so great. was like, surely I can just go back and live like everyone else who's just like not thinking about their health and just doing whatever they want to do. Right. So the first thing I did was I do have a trainer that I work out with and you know, my Ayurvedic doctor was telling me she's like, I really would prefer you not to do like big heavy weights. Like let's do more meditative working out. Like, and guys, this is

for listeners, this is because of where I am for me right now. Me, Stacey Yoli, we do not have the average person's body. So all the things about diet and exercise and living life, you kind of have throw it out the door because our bodies don't play by those rules. They don't. So I was still like, I'm gonna work out the trainer and it's fine. And I haven't done weights in a while, but I'll be great. Okay, so by that afternoon, my body, I was in a haze. So the weights were too heavy.

It was too much for my system. So by the end of the day, it felt like I was in a fog, like a fog, like foggy rain. So was like, well, that wasn't great. So, hi. I was like, that didn't work. That wasn't great. I was like, okay, well, I don't know what I'm do about weightlifting anymore because it doesn't seem to be where I'm at right now. Like I have to do very gentle, not heavy weights, whatever. Okay, so that was my first thing.

Stacie M (24:31.138)
Mm.

Leslie Field (24:56.424)
And then on Sunday, I just wanted to go out for like an American breakfast. Like, I an American breakfast. I wanted... You never go with this. I just... Okay, so, I mean, I've shared with both of you. Like, I've really tried to pull out a lot of gluten and dairy. Like, I just pretty much pull it out a lot. I still have it, but like, I just don't eat as much as I used to, or the average person does, right? So then that morning, I was like, but I wanna have pancakes, and I wanna have butter, and I wanna have all the toast with the gluten, and I wanna have...

Yoli Jimenez (25:11.704)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (25:26.343)
Like, so many people eat, right? Like, they just go and they eat these things and maybe they're little tired later, whatever. Okay, so I got a splitting headache a few hours later. My body was like, what are you doing? It was like, Leslie, too much too soon all at once. No, what are you doing? So then I suffered with a headache the rest of the day and that was the end of me trying to be a normal person. I did, I did. I did.

Yoli Jimenez (25:29.474)
Yeah!

Stacie M (25:44.31)
Yeah.

Stacie M (25:50.78)
You

Yoli Jimenez (25:50.826)
you say, but did you enjoy the breakfast though? Okay, okay, that's all that matters. It's some sense,

Leslie Field (25:57.122)
Yeah, I mean, it was fun and I still go out and I still eat things, but I think it was just like too many things at once. It was like, we were going to add all of them back right now, like in this moment, like right here. And I was like, yes, this is what everyone else does. My body was like, you're not everybody else, Leslie. Let us remind you once again, you're not. So that's where I've been just feeling really good, pretending like I'm a normal person and my body reminded me I'm not, the end.

Yoli Jimenez (26:04.824)
You

Stacie M (26:06.21)
you

Yoli Jimenez (26:13.707)
No.

Yes.

Stacie M (26:18.134)
Rrrrr

Yoli Jimenez (26:24.428)
Yes. Yes.

Stacie M (26:26.4)
That happens with me a lot with physical activity and so once I get like bursts of energy I say, all right, I feel good today. I can conquer the world. I can do all my chores that I've had on my to-do list for the last six months all in one day and I try to attempt it and I crash. But my crashes have been a lot less, have been shorter than they have been the past. In previous years it would be like

I would do conquer the world and then I would be down for two, three days, you know, in bed. So the fact that I can, you know, come back from it the following day is like a huge progress. I had to take some time off of physical therapy for financial issues. That's the downside of being on disability. No one talks about the financial trouble too.

Leslie Field (27:03.791)
Yay.

Stacie M (27:15.082)
and I just recently restarted and so I've been able to slowly wean off of the cane again. yes. So, which is a huge success as well. working on walking my dog Cooper, in the mornings and getting some of that sunshine in and yeah. So yes, but I know the feeling as far as you're talking about of being a normal person. I think I want to do that physically.

Leslie Field (27:21.701)
you

Yoli Jimenez (27:22.605)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (27:44.355)
I know.

Stacie M (27:45.121)
Yoli Jimenez (27:46.04)
think it's

Stacie M (27:50.358)
Yes.

Yoli Jimenez (28:11.808)
So she was out taking Casey and Cooper out on a walk. Remember that? I don't know if you told Leslie that. But you gotta tell her that.

Stacie M (28:15.156)
Yes. Yes. Yes. I took, I was ambitious and I took both dogs on the walk at the same time thinking I could do it. I mean, I did it. I made it back, but I accidentally let a leash go. It would have been great if it was Cooper's leash because he doesn't go. No, it was Casey's leash who goes.

Yoli Jimenez (28:30.146)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (28:38.68)
no!

Yoli Jimenez (28:42.145)
baby.

Stacie M (28:42.279)
So I'm like, no, you know, what's funny is a similar thing happened to me at church yesterday. I went to church and or the other day I went to church and I was volunteering with the kids. I normally volunteer with the three year olds. I've been doing better with, you know, slowly getting back into that. And it's something that brings me joy. I love the children.

Yoli Jimenez (28:45.08)
you

Stacie M (29:05.63)
and one of the little boys took off running and I said, no, the parking lot's there. I got no choice but to go after him.

Leslie Field (29:14.987)
Stacy.

Stacie M (29:15.618)
And I was the only volunteer there and I said, my physical therapist would really get on me right now. Yeah. So I'm going from walking with the cane to running a marathon the next day.

Leslie Field (29:23.489)
But you gotta do what you gotta do. thank God you could. You could get both of them back. my gosh.

Yoli Jimenez (29:29.08)
No.

Leslie Field (29:36.289)
Lovely, lovely. I mean, that's what has to happen. mean, if people watch any of the clips or the promotions of this, like you guys are so young, you're younger than me. And this is the thing about invisible illness that and why when I'm out in the world now, I really try to pull that judgment back because

Stacie M (29:39.626)
Working on it.

Yoli Jimenez (29:40.989)
I won't.

Leslie Field (30:00.485)
I mean, well, Stacey, I know sometimes they use the cane to assist you, but like you said, you're not even using it. You're walking dogs. You're chasing after three-year-olds now. So no one would know that by looking at us. it's like, I'm hoping this really like, everyone's going through something, whether you can see it or not see it. It could be a health thing. It could be a family or relationship thing or a work thing. Like, we need a lot more compassion in this world.

Yoli Jimenez (30:08.923)
you

Stacie M (30:27.71)
yes, agreed.

Leslie Field (30:29.345)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (30:29.496)
for sure. So I was sharing with Stacey that, you know, tomorrow I get my second opinion, but it's kind of like, I told her like the work that went into actually like setting up the appointment. It takes a toll sometimes, you know, sometimes you just like, yes, I'm in pain. Yes, I need that second opinion.

But it takes so much out of you, like, just trying to find a doctor, you know? It's just, it's so much work. Like, I didn't feel like I was in the mental space to do it at one point. I was like, you know what? Like, I just can't. Like, I know I have to do it, but I'm just not in it right now. And it's frustrating because you're like, well, I have to do it. I have to get around to doing that.

But sometimes, and I've had this conversation with Stacey too, you have to advocate for yourself, but then there's times where you can't even really even advocate for yourself. Because you don't want to talk about it. And if you don't want to talk about it, how are you supposed to do it?

Leslie Field (31:22.077)
Yeah.

Stacie M (31:28.268)
I was gonna jump in when you were talking about your second opinion earlier and say that, you know, if anything I've learned on this three year journey is that you have to advocate for yourself. And as someone who's had probably 10 plus opinions and been turned down by probably three fourths of those doctors, it's, you gotta keep advocating for yourself. You gotta push, push, push and, you know, just show them whatever it takes.

Yoli Jimenez (31:39.085)
Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (31:57.462)
to show them or the doctors that you need more help than what you're getting. Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (31:58.071)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (32:01.531)
Yeah, but like you're saying, it's hard, really, because you get into these really deep kind of dark places. Like, I think people don't understand the depths you can really go into. then when you're in the depths of the dark place, let's not forget, you're not energized enough to crawl out, usually. It's a very heavy...

Yoli Jimenez (32:08.472)
Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (32:14.487)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (32:14.55)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (32:22.948)
no.

Leslie Field (32:24.401)
Physically heavy place to live in like your body's in a certain state where it is almost like this like I don't know if it's a mobilized or shut down I'm gonna get all the official words incorrect, but you go into that I think it's called a dorsal vagal response when you talk about the nervous system and your body physically feels like physically heavy to It there's no there's the life force like you have the life force just feels so small and so and like you were saying too so even if you start to like kind of

Stacie M (32:43.265)
Yes.

Leslie Field (32:52.283)
crawl out a little bit like I'm gonna do this, this is the moment I can do this. And we have, I'm sure we, the three of us have all our tips and tricks that we use to get ourselves as best we can out of these dark places. Sometimes it is rest, sometimes it is just talking to a friend, sometimes it is just like numbing out on Netflix, sometimes it is okay, I'm just gonna get outside and get some fresh air. Like we have all these tips and tricks and I don't think people realize that like we use all them all the time because we're often, we're backed out in that.

that feels like the pit again and you're like, shit, I gotta get out, don't I? You know? And so even being over a C, like you said, you'll be like the news that you're gonna get tomorrow. Do you have someone going with you? You're going alone. Okay.

Yoli Jimenez (33:26.508)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (33:35.724)
Yes, I am. Yeah. So my mom's gonna come with me. But I would lie if I didn't say like I'm not a bit scared or afraid or even concerned, you know, like I am. And am I tired of living this way? I am, you know? And it's, you get tired sometimes. You're just like, you know what? Like, does it matter anymore? You know, it's, it's my new normal, right? But then at the same time, I feel like, okay, like I say to myself,

Leslie Field (33:39.204)
Good.

Leslie Field (33:43.992)
Yeah. Yeah.

Stacie M (33:44.258)
Of course.

Yoli Jimenez (34:04.202)
I always feel, like, you like you said, you know, Leslie, like, you hit rock bottom, right? But then I think, okay, like, if I'm already at rock bottom, like if I truly already hit rock bottom, like, it's kind of a good thing because then that means there's only one way up, right? There's only one more option. That only option is up. You can't go further down because like you're already there, right?

So, I mean, I kind of feel that way. And, you know, this year, you know, when I met you too, I mean, I met you, Leslie. And it was funny because my therapist was like, you need to get out. Like, you need to get out and like find, you know, I don't know, a group, a club, something, something, right? So I found you, Leslie, right? And I started going to your classes. Love, love, love, right? Awesome, right? So I'm doing what my therapist says is awesome, right? I'm getting out.

and I'm feeling pain so I'm feeling pain but I'm feeling so much better you know and then I meet Stacey and it's like when I'm you know when we used to hang out after class and talk I was like I don't know I feel like I'm gonna be friends with Stacey you know and just the three of us like they get it you know

Leslie Field (35:13.048)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (35:13.9)
So even finding your people too, because when you're down there, you need people to be like, hey, how are you doing? Like, do you want me to throw you a life vest? Like something, you know? And so it's like, you get it. Yes, I'm in that hole. I don't have to explain myself. You guys get it. You guys know where I'm at. You guys, don't, I don't, like, you guys just get it. You guys are my people. You guys have been there, done that. So it's just.

Stacie M (35:28.524)
Yes, exactly.

Leslie Field (35:35.543)
Yeah.

Stacie M (35:37.11)
of like reflecting on what you said in the beginning as far as like having to cancel plans and you know at the last minute you know the normal people non-chronic illness individuals don't understand that and so when you create plans and you have to continuously keep canceling them they think this person's flaky they don't really you know they're not sincere they don't want to go out you know but us we're just like

Yoli Jimenez (35:42.508)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (35:52.023)
No.

Stacie M (36:04.034)
Okay, we'll reschedule, no problem. You know, because we get it, we get it. When you just say, I cannot make it, we get it. We don't need an explanation, you know, we get it.

Yoli Jimenez (36:05.815)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (36:12.087)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (36:12.678)
We we really do not I mean actually I was kind of struggling with that when I was going through those few weeks where things were really Dark and I have some newer newer friends just like you and they don't know me as well And they know my health condition would have forever, but I was starting to cancel a lot But there's also this sort of like I don't if it's a shame or this embarrassment I'm conflating the two whatever one of those where you feel like I think it's embarrassment and shame is both where you're embarrassed that you keep

Canceling and then like a couple of them were like well you just needed to reach out and reschedule and I was like even having a hard time rescheduling You know like because I'm so embarrassed. I don't I'm like I don't even want to do it again like I just rather not even try and I know that sounds like by crazy to people They're like well. They're your friends. You just reschedule

Yoli Jimenez (36:50.456)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (37:01.897)
But like when you do it enough times, you're like, did I use all my, did I use all my like forgive me's? I don't know. Like, did they, will they run out with this person, especially like some of my newer friends. And that was just something weird that was coming up for me that I wasn't even rescheduling. I was just like, whatever. I'll just, I don't know, stay. Like I've been actually feeling like I'm staying home a lot and it's not doing me any favors. Like.

Yoli Jimenez (37:24.568)
yeah, I know.

Leslie Field (37:25.556)
it is not doing me any favors. But then the moment you want to go out, you start to realize you're like, unless I'm going to go to a park or a hike, like everything costs money. Everywhere I want to go. I mean, I could walk around a mall, I guess, and just look at things if I feel up for it, you know? But like you start to realize like, it'd be really nice to go out. Like, okay, that's a coffee shop. That's a restaurant. Or if I go to the bookstore, I'm going to want to buy a book. yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (37:34.902)
Yeah? Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (37:40.482)
We all see that.

Stacie M (37:49.858)
That's, yep, yeah. Yoli and I have been trying to get out, actually shortly after we met each other and we realized, okay, we're both in this place, we're both in this place mentally and physically, let's try to do something to encourage each other. And we've been trying to get out at least once a week, again, plans fluctuate, but once a week to a park and walk in the morning because it gets us fresh air, it gets us both out of bed.

Yoli Jimenez (37:50.444)
Yes.

Yoli Jimenez (38:00.632)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (38:09.548)
Yeah.

Stacie M (38:18.792)
And we know somebody that we love and that we trust and that we want to spend time with is relying on us. And so we're like, you know, we're going to push each other. And again, we have to reschedule those all the time, but it's like, when we do it, it's so rewarding just to get out and get that nature. One thing I've been exploring a lot recently, you know, focusing a lot on my mental health is people don't realize the grief that's involved as well.

Yoli Jimenez (38:45.601)
Mmm.

Stacie M (38:46.442)
You know, there's been a lot of grief of my old life, quote unquote, things I used to be able to do physically, emotionally, spiritually, that I no longer either cannot do or takes 10 times the amount of energy to do. And there's a lot of grief with that. There's a lot of grief.

Leslie Field (39:03.535)
Yeah, yeah. It's like sometimes as you were saying that it feels like sometimes I'm living between grief of like grieving or the loss of like yeah type of lifestyle or what I thought my life was going to look like and and I'm just putting this together and sometimes I have a fear of what the future holds. So Matt I'm not I don't know if that's I'm sure you both can relate maybe you're not always in that place but you can sort of see how you end up in the middle of both those places like wow this is not where I thought I'd be or

Yoli Jimenez (39:16.994)
Hmm.

Leslie Field (39:32.756)
you know, this is just not how I envisioned my life. And then also, think, Gilly, what you're saying, like this fear of like, what's going to come and, you know, and I don't think people realize like, we are carrying this with us like every day. And our bodies are constantly reminding us whether it's pain or fatigue or the mental health aspect of it, or, you know, all the doctors things that we have to set up all the appointments that we have to set up all the medications that we're taking or not taking or whatever.

Yoli Jimenez (39:47.883)
yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (39:59.928)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (40:01.187)
Like it is always front and center. We don't have a day off from this. It's always around us. And I just, don't think people realize the relentlessness of that.

Stacie M (40:11.71)
Yeah, I have to start speech therapy coming up. I start, I believe next week. And it's like, I'm looking forward to it, but it's also another weekly appointment that I gotta put on this calendar on top of therapy, on top of physical therapy. It's like, I gotta do every type of therapy. Mental, physical, now speech therapy. Yeah, just appointment, appointment, appointment is mentally exhausting.

Leslie Field (40:31.577)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (40:37.802)
It is. And I wish, you know, people would say this louder, right? I wish what we were talking about would be kind of said, you know, more often, right? Grief, how real it is, you know, how much, like in my case, you know, like, okay, if I ever have kids, how much of a struggle is it gonna be? You know, is that gonna be possible? Is it not? I have to be open to the possibility that it might not be. So it's like, there's grief a lot. There's a lot of grief involved.

So much grief, you know, I think I had mentioned to you guys last time I saw you both that I have a lot of clothes that I can't wear anymore, right?

because medications, right? Yeah, they're gonna help with the pain, but then they're gonna do all this other goody stuff, you know, maybe weight gain. And so there's a thing where I have clothes that don't fit, but I can't bring myself to the closet to physically remove those clothes. Like, it's like, I know I have to, but there's a part of me that's like, like, I would love to go back to wearing that, but I don't know if I will, you know? And it's...

It is very sad, but at the same time, I think just recognizing that it's okay not to be okay and it's okay not to fit in those clothes anymore. I mean, it's okay, it's life, but it's hard. It's very hard. And sometimes, oftentimes, going to the doctor and seeing people who are like...

you know, like really older than you, like right, like you're my old people goals, you know? And it's like, but I'm not like, I'm young, you know, and get people who say, but you're too young to be going through that. How is it, you know, like, it's like, no, there's, there's things, right? And now with the holidays, you could just imagine like people, especially family, right?

Yoli Jimenez (42:24.92)
I think sometimes they do it with the best of intentions, but ask, so how are you doing? So how's that going? You know, and so what is it that you're doing? You know, and it's like, well, you know, I do my best. Like that's what I'm doing now every day. I do my best. Like, like don't tell me what do you do? You know, I do my best because it's, it's hard, you know, but sometimes people just look at you and like, well, so you're in pain every day. It's like, yeah, basically, you know, like they don't understand it.

Leslie Field (42:36.551)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (42:52.832)
And so if we're not in the mental space to kind of understand it ourselves and then we have these conversations with other people that don't understand, it can kind of be really messy and just very toxic as well.

Leslie Field (43:01.817)
yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to be speaking to someone on the podcast who she was saying how, and it's funny because I almost didn't want to concede this and recognize this, but it's a real thing. She saying that it might even be harder for the people who are around us to watch us and what we're going through. I mean, it's really hard for us. I still think it's the hardest for us, but obviously, but.

Yoli Jimenez (43:28.493)
Yeah, me too.

Leslie Field (43:31.529)
She was just like the thing that people also don't always recognize or talk about is the family or the loved ones or the friends that are surrounding that person. They don't know how to have a part and they all relate to it differently. Ben really struggles because he was watching me when I was in my...

when I was in my few days of I want to be a normal person days, remember? And he was just thinking, this is going to be bad, right? He could see it coming from a away. And I can too, but I still made these choices, right? And it's been funny, not funny, it's funny, but not funny, where I'm like, okay, be quiet, I just need you to support me, but it's so hard for him because he was like, what did you think was going to happen? And I was like, I don't know, maybe I thought it was going be healed. And my body was going to be like, you're great.

Yoli Jimenez (43:55.224)
you

Yoli Jimenez (44:04.397)
Right.

Yoli Jimenez (44:21.229)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (44:21.831)
And it's really hard for them to understand our choices or even to relate to us and they want to check in and they're a little nervous. I've had other friends that are not you and they were going, I have a dear friend who's going through cancer treatment and I remember like, I didn't know what to say to her, which felt weird. I was like, wait, I deal with this all the time, but because it was something kind of new and it was a different process, I almost felt like I didn't know how to relate to her. I just want to.

Yoli Jimenez (44:39.074)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (44:49.86)
I don't know, shout out all the people who are also supporting someone who's really navigating this, because we know it's not easy for you too, but it's really hard for us as well. So don't forget that.

Yoli Jimenez (45:00.406)
Yes, very hard to be nice, be kind.

Stacie M (45:04.396)
I recently joined a Dysautonomia support group that's monthly and is local. And they do a lot of in-person events as well, a lot of online things. But they actually last month just started a caregiver support group. And so, yeah, and I said, that's a very good idea because you're right, there is a lot of emotional aspect that goes along with the people who are helping us and watching us go through what we're going through.

I've had in the last three years, I've had over 16 hospitalizations, five rehab stays, and you know, it's like going through all that, you know, it's like I have loved ones that have to watch me go through that and they don't know what to do. They just know they're starting to learn the warning signs of, okay, you're starting to head towards a flare up, you you need to back off.

Well, when I get in my stubborn, want to be normal period too, I'm like, no, this time is going to be different. This time I'm going to do it, you know, or, you know, weaning off some medications or lowering doses of meds. It's like, you know, the doctors are like, just give yourself a rest right now. You know, your body obviously can't tolerate that lower dose. And I'm like, no, I want to be on less meds. You know, I got to do it this time. I don't care what happened last time. I'm to do it. So I've had to learn like knowing my limits and knowing.

know, when is too much.

Leslie Field (46:24.548)
you

Yoli Jimenez (46:26.966)
Yeah, for sure. But I just like from my point of view, like just you know since I've met you two like it's so kind of crazy and nice to see how much you guys have done. Like I know like Stacey like how you know, I don't know I feel like I've seen you grow right in your own way like with everything that you're doing and Leslie you know with your know Ayurveda stuff and like your medicine you're telling us you know like you know it's kind of nice because I think

when it's hard to recognize growth, know, like in yourself sometimes, you know, it's hard to look at yourself and like recognize your goals, especially with chronic illness, you know, but when you see other people, they're like, they can see it, they can point it out, you know?

And so, I mean, you know, it's been like, it's been such a pleasure and an honor seeing how being a witness to your guys' growth, you know, both of you and seeing, you know, yes, we see the struggles, but then we also celebrate our victories, you know, we do, you know, like even like right now when I told you guys like, I'm gonna get my second opinion, it's like, wow, my God, finally, she finally did that, you know, like, my God, you know, it's like.

Leslie Field (47:24.493)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (47:29.535)
Yay!

Stacie M (47:32.194)
All victories are worth celebrating.

Yoli Jimenez (47:35.966)
Yes! You know, like, and so it's, yeah. So I think even with you, Leslie, like, I wanted to be a normal person, but it's okay, you you tried it, but we're still celebrating, you know, you had the breakfast, you enjoyed the breakfast, so it doesn't matter, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Leslie Field (47:35.99)
Yeah.

Leslie Field (47:39.681)
Bye.

Stacie M (47:45.73)
you

Leslie Field (47:49.699)
I did. I know. Thank you. I know I'm celebrating you, Yoli, too, because I can tell this second opinion was a very big thing for you. I know it's really taking you a while to come around to it and to and then let's also forget that ever, especially since COVID, it was kind of like this before COVID, but especially since COVID, if you want to see any sort of health care practitioner, the wait times are way longer than they were before 2020.

Yoli Jimenez (47:59.266)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (48:14.294)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Leslie Field (48:15.967)
doesn't matter, and if you're new patient. So this is if you are already a patient, the wait times are usually, they can vary. Sometimes they can still be longer, sometimes they can be shorter if you're already a patient. If you are a new patient, new patients, I feel like we wait so much longer than we did for 2020. So even though I know it took you a while to come around to this and be ready for it, and even though you're still nervous about it, I know that you've had to wait a while to get your appointment.

Yoli Jimenez (48:43.65)
Yeah. Yeah.

Leslie Field (48:44.523)
And I don't think people realize that too. When you have your regular doctors and they know you, you're kind of already in. When you're a new patient, it takes a while. So yeah, you're right. There has been some really big things that we've all done and I think it's important we do recognize them. Yeah, you know, I also even went, well nothing's happened yet, but I have put myself to be evaluated to be in another transplant program.

Yoli Jimenez (49:01.08)
Yes.

Leslie Field (49:13.545)
So that is moving forward, but the same thing. You collect all this information and they said it could take two to three months before they're leaving. Call me to then schedule, just call the schedule. Yeah, and so I might've spoken about this on the podcast already. I can't remember, but because the wait time is so long here in Southern California for kidney transplants, I don't know if it's like that for all organs. I'm assuming so, just we have...

I think it's something like, do we have 10 million people in the LA area? Like something crazy. Like we have so many millions of people here. I think they were comparing us against like European, Western European countries. And it like, LA has as many people as there are in like Denmark. I'm probably wrong, but it was something like that. That we just have so many people concentrated down here that the wait time's really long to get a kidney for us. And here, and my blood type is even longer. So.

they recommend sometimes that, well, it's interesting. didn't, did they recommend this? Well, I talked to one guy at UCLA who is like, he kind of, don't know what his role was, but he was just talking to me about transplantation. He's not a doctor, he's interesting anyway. And he was the first person who brought it up. He was like, you know, there are some people who go to other medical centers to be transplanted. I am so glad I had him and he was on a phone call with Ben and I because you know,

Are they in the business of usually sending people elsewhere? Probably not. They want you to be their patient. However, thank God this one person within the system was like, look, this is another alternative for you. I'm just going to another place so that the wait times are different. So here in LA it's eight to like 13 years or something crazy if I need a kidney transplant. Yeah, so if you go to these other places in the United States, you can see how long the official wait times is depending on how much time you've already put in.

Yoli Jimenez (51:01.556)
my gosh.

Leslie Field (51:10.051)
on the list. A lot of people don't know about transplantation, that's fine, but we all kind of know there's like a list you can get on. So I'm on that list and I've already put in three years on that list. Whereas if I go somewhere else, the average wait time, and this is typically for a cadaver kidney, which is not what I want, but I'll take it, it's gonna keep me going, is one to two years. So I've already done the wait time at another facility in another place.

Yoli Jimenez (51:16.632)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (51:30.54)
Yes.

Leslie Field (51:38.507)
I hope that makes sense. So I'm already would be at the top of the list for them. So it's just a sort of a backup thing that we're doing. Ideally, I would get a kidney donor and I would do a preemptive like I would make the decision when I would want versus where I'm at right now, when you go on the list, you're only kind of put to the top when like you're already on dialysis and you transplant. That's kind of how that version of transplantation works. Whereas I want to be on the

Okay, I'm nearing, I've not a dialysis yet, I'm making the preemptive choice to transplant. So in order to do that, I would need to find my own donor. And then they have these options, even if the donor can't give to me, you're in a, it's called a voucher program, so it matches you to another living donor somewhere. It's very interesting, very intricate. Only certain institutions do this. So I do have one friend who's in process, so that's actually a pretty big deal. One of my friend is in process.

Yoli Jimenez (52:35.163)
my gosh!

Leslie Field (52:38.074)
And I'm just, you know, it's unbelievable that she said yes and that she wants to do this. She's one of my dearest friends I've known since middle school. And whether or not, you know, it works out, I don't know. Like she could pull out at any time and just realize this is not the right moment for her. This is just something that she's reconsidered and that's fine. I would still love her if she decided that. Or they might find something in her health history that she was unknown to her that would, you know, say,

you you wouldn't be a candidate to donate. But that's also a big thing that's going on behind the scenes. Yeah, but I'm also nervous because she's the only person I have in process. So if it doesn't work out, then I don't have anyone. But like, so like I'm juggling that and think, you know, I only I do have someone in process. But what if that doesn't work out? Like I'm thinking about like my health and then just let's just throw a few more things in the fire. We're working on, know, becoming parents. So.

Yoli Jimenez (53:32.76)
you

Leslie Field (53:33.824)
So we found a surrogate. We did, but we're not celebrating yet, but you can celebrate for me because so many have fallen through. We've had so many surrogates fall through. So this is the farthest we've gotten. So I'm hoping I look back and listen to this episode in five years from now and I'm a mom and I have my baby and that it all worked out. But you know, so I guess I do have a lot of things happening right now and no wonder why I need to rest and take it a little easier.

Stacie M (53:34.894)
you did it!

Yoli Jimenez (53:36.416)
Yay!

Stacie M (53:42.178)
What?

Yoli Jimenez (54:00.012)
You do.

Stacie M (54:00.908)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (54:03.638)
You see, it just makes like a little bit of like conversation. You're like, you know, I am doing a lot. Let me give myself a break.

Leslie Field (54:03.665)
Hahaha!

Stacie M (54:10.658)
Sometimes you don't realize until you start talking or someone else points it out.

Leslie Field (54:10.775)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (54:15.818)
Exactly, exactly. So, but you gotta let us know. Like, cause you know, we're gonna be ready for like the baby shower and stuff.

Leslie Field (54:16.509)
Yeah.

Stacie M (54:21.026)
yeah. Yoli, Auntie Stacey, we're on standby.

Yoli Jimenez (54:26.445)
We're ready. We've been ready. We've been ready. yeah! Even though we won't what we're doing. Or I won't know what I'm doing.

Leslie Field (54:27.464)
Okay, really? So you're gonna come over when I don't know what I'm doing and I'm exhausted?

Great.

Yoli Jimenez (54:38.456)
Stacey probably will but I won't. Stacey's a nurse in this one so she will tell you. She will tell you.

Leslie Field (54:46.226)
know, you probably know. So I guess maybe I more things going on than I realize, but you know.

Yoli Jimenez (54:51.53)
you do and I mean mentally there's a lot going on too a lot right

Stacie M (54:52.534)
Yeah.

Yeah. So when you're body, you got to listen to your body. And this is one thing I learned a lot from your classes too, your movement classes is listen to your body. If your body says to rest, then rest, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Leslie Field (55:06.666)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (55:06.994)
Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. for sure. And just sometimes like the body has its own ways, you know, of like letting you know. It's like it's time to stop or it's time to slow down, right? But we're so into our heads that it's just like we don't really even pay attention anymore, you know?

Stacie M (55:24.29)
And it's that holiday season where I feel like there's that stigma of you gotta keep going, going, going, go to every event, go to every party, go to every gathering, you know. If you gotta say no to something, you gotta say no to something, but you just gotta listen to your body.

Yoli Jimenez (55:38.344)
sure for sure yeah that's so true that happens a lot and so but I'm just so glad that we have each other's a support system because it's so awesome it just doesn't happen you know where you meet the people who are going through the same thing and I'm just like so so grateful you guys get it and so tomorrow you know when I have my appointment you know I'm going with my mom but I know you guys are coming with me as well

Stacie M (55:49.386)
Me too.

Stacie M (56:06.052)
yes.

Yoli Jimenez (56:06.736)
And so it's just, it's good to know that you have people in your corner. And when you don't feel like advocating for yourself, you have people who will, you know, tell you like, you know, you need to do this, you know, I don't know what you're waiting for. You need to do this. And it's like, you know, so it's like, it's also very nice, you know, it's really. Thank you.

Leslie Field (56:17.334)
Yes.

Leslie Field (56:22.641)
Yeah.

Stacie M (56:25.85)
You should be proud of yourself, Yoli. You gave yourself credit for making this step, you know, knowing that the doctor may want to do their own work up and start completely over. And you might feel like you're on the journey all the way starting over, but just know that this is what you need to do and it's going to be exhausting, but you got to keep doing what you do. And Leslie, I also told Yoli the other day when we were chatting that I said, you know what, if you don't get the answers that you need at this doctor, I said,

Leslie Field (56:29.916)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (56:40.885)
Yes.

Stacie M (56:54.082)
go to a larger hospital, go to an academic center, go to somewhere that has more resources and just keep fighting. But you'll do that when it's your time and when you're ready for it. We can encourage you, but we can't push you to do it.

Leslie Field (56:59.922)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (57:09.938)
I believe that so much. We're almost living the moment of, not that I'm telling you guys what to do, but it's like I start to feel like your family members too. I'm like, you always gotta get that second opinion. And I'm gonna wait for her till she does it. But I'm gonna keep asking until she's ready. And you'll know when you're ready. You'll know when you're ready for it. And I'm not gonna push you. I'm not gonna say you gotta do this. I mean, I was a little bit maybe intense when we last met.

Yoli Jimenez (57:10.06)
Right.

Leslie Field (57:39.45)
because I needed to at least say it one time, be like, yo, please do not get surgery until you get a second opinion. Like that was, that just, it just felt really important. Cause I don't wanna be, I just, I think also being on my own journey is really things like you just said so beautifully, Stacey, things have to unfold for people in their own way. That phrase, you can bring the horse water, but you can't even bring the horse sometimes. The horse doesn't even wanna go, okay? It's definitely not gonna drink the water.

Yoli Jimenez (57:39.628)
No, I loved it. I loved it.

Yoli Jimenez (57:46.732)
You, you saw it like that.

Leslie Field (58:06.682)
Okay, the horse is gonna do whatever it wants to do and you just need to respect that. And as a friend and just like having the little knowledge I had, was like, surgery is such a big commitment. So that was the one where I was like, okay, this is the one moment though I'm gonna yell at the horse. I'm gonna yell at the horse and tell the horse it needs to consider this and then it could do whatever it wants to do.

Stacie M (58:20.566)
you

Stacie M (58:24.354)
horse with some treats I'm gonna get a horse over here get some carrots

Yoli Jimenez (58:28.632)
horse listened. Eventually the horse came around.

Leslie Field (58:33.688)
anyone cutting into your body until like you just and and we can say especially when you talk to people who have been on a major medical health journey like we all have our feelings about doctors we could do a whole episode titled doctors you know right doctors right because and this is the thing i'd like to think that they they're doing the best they can and they mean well

Stacie M (58:33.932)
you

Yoli Jimenez (58:50.082)
Yes!

Yeah.

Stacie M (58:52.748)
But.

Leslie Field (59:00.814)
And of their knowledge and their skill set and their lens, that is what they got. And we just need to have the wherewithal to be like, okay, I need to see if someone else has anything else that can help me. Another opinion, another kernel of truth, something that was accidentally missed. Even though the doctors can really drive us nuts sometimes, they are human, they're fallible, but they're doing the best they can. And just...

It is so exhausting to get another doctor, to get another opinion. And also just know whatever they tell you, Yoli, too, it's probably gonna feel like a lot and they might say things that just kind of put you in, I think, a tailspin. Some of it could be like, like, good, like, my God, I never thought about it. Some of it could be like, I'm really confused now, but the other doctor said this and this person saying that. And so I just wanna also maybe offer to you that just know that you might feel a little out of sorts.

Or you don't know how you're gonna feel. You could feel really great after you meet the person. You could feel like, wow, this really is horrible. I don't know what I'm doing. You could just feel like, I don't know what I'm feeling. Just know that that might happen tomorrow and just give yourself some time to just take it all in. Because I think the piece that comes up again and again when I talk to people is we have to then sit with it for ourself. We have to take in all the information and then we have to decide for ourself what's the next step, what's the best path forward.

Yoli Jimenez (01:00:26.552)
Yes, yes, yeah.

Stacie M (01:00:27.084)
Yeah. And I do want to say too, as much as we've all had some terrible doctor experiences, there is also some incredible doctors out there. And I'm sure Leslie can second that, that you just have to keep pushing until you find your team. You find your people that will back you up, that will advocate for you. And that's what I found. I found that in January of this year. So it's made such a huge difference to have a solid

Leslie Field (01:00:33.042)
you

Yoli Jimenez (01:00:34.41)
yeah.

Leslie Field (01:00:36.998)
Yeah.

Stacie M (01:00:56.352)
medical team over at UCLA that each specialist is taking care of each one of my diagnosis and they're communicating together. They're collaborating together. And yeah, it's taken me three years to find this incredible team that is now taking care of me. So they're out there. It's, yeah, I just gotta keep finding them.

Leslie Field (01:01:05.692)
Wow.

Yoli Jimenez (01:01:18.348)
Yes. Yes.

Leslie Field (01:01:19.248)
Yeah, it's exhausting. did I think that, I think I might've shared with you guys, three, four, five years ago, I would have never seen an Ayurvedic doctor. I would have been like, no, that's weird guys. I'm not doing that. Not doing it. But I'm looking back and I keep reflecting again and again on my path and my journey. All the things that I sort of needed to learn and understand and sort of reprogram my brain and open my mind in different ways that has prepared me for this moment.

And I just really believe that that's why I'm here and you know, and I could sing the praises of Ayurveda all day, but for someone else, it's not for them. And just having the respect that that's not for them either. It's such a unique journey we're all on. yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (01:02:04.824)
Yes. Isn't that amazing? And now you're doing it? my God, that's amazing. I think just being flexible and just being open, right? To just what's out there. And I think that's amazing. Now you're doing it and it's like, wow. But maybe it just wasn't your time to do it. Four or five years ago. Wasn't your moment.

Leslie Field (01:02:26.96)
Yeah, I believe in timing a lot, timing for a lot of things. We think we can white-knuckle hands on the wheel like it's gonna go like this. And then I just see again and again the universe, life, our bodies just humble us and go, no, that's not how it works. There's a grand plan at play and there's many, there's an innumerable options ahead of us, but like you're on this path or this path and there's a reason it's going in this direction and you just need to take a breath.

Stacie M (01:02:41.323)
you

Leslie Field (01:02:56.464)
which is hard because like I think the three of us, we want to be out in the world more. We want to, and this is something we were touching upon a little bit. Like I know Stacey, you want to do more work with the kids. I know that you were talking about doing the nursing at like a camp and Yoli, I know you have such a passion working for animals and I know that you want to start doing more work around that. Like we are not people who want to sit inside on our butts. And I think that's what people don't realize either.

It's really boring guys, so all the people who are out there who are living like, you know, these crazy lives working really hard, I have lot of respect for you, but let's tell you, the other end of the spectrum is not nice either. It's not great.

Stacie M (01:03:37.75)
Mm-hmm. Not it.

Yoli Jimenez (01:03:37.848)
Exactly. And it's often you're forced into it. It's not so much your choice, you know. It's never really a choice. Although people think it's a choice sometimes, you know? It's like, no, I'm not choosing this. I didn't choose this, but, you know? So, yeah.

Leslie Field (01:03:49.042)
Yeah.

Stacie M (01:03:49.334)
Bye.

Leslie Field (01:03:54.616)
Mm-hmm. I know I've been thinking about that like I've just had a lot of time on my hands But like everything I was sharing with you It's all things that are kind of happening in my brain like they're around but like I still have a lot of space during the day and I've almost been like I Feel like I need a part-time job. I feel like I need them like because I have my business But it's even that I only teach so many hours a day like or a week and then I'm like, well do I need to do something else? So it's like

It's this weird balance of I don't want to over, I want to give my body a lot of space to heal. And that's what I set out to do these past six months. So it's this funny, funny balance between like, I want to give it a lot of rest and space to do that. But I also do not just want to be at home all day relaxing and resting.

Yoli Jimenez (01:04:36.866)
Yes. Yes.

Stacie M (01:04:38.528)
It's finding that middle ground that can be challenging sometimes.

Yoli Jimenez (01:04:41.438)
so hard. So hard. See, but then that's when you when you start to think about like, I want to do this, I want to do that. It's the normal people stuff, you know, but then we're not in the normal people stuff phase. And so we got to just tweak it and we got to be OK with tweaking our plans and tweaking our life and right. Like it's. my.

Stacie M (01:05:00.858)
as simple as something as working, right? Like we used to work full-time. We used to work full-time jobs and now it's like we're not working and when we do go back to work it's not like we're gonna be able to jump back into a full-time job. We're gonna have to slowly ease our way back into it and start part-time maybe one two days a week and that's a that's a change when you're used to working full-time for years and so...

Yoli Jimenez (01:05:14.815)
No.

Leslie Field (01:05:17.699)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (01:05:19.638)
Yes. Yes.

Yoli Jimenez (01:05:26.412)
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Leslie Field (01:05:28.611)
I don't think people even think about that too. mean, even if you switch jobs, you see people who have that settling in period. They're like, whoa, wasn't like, lots of learning happening. Even the people who have quote unquote the fine bodies that are functioning pretty well, they have like an adjustment period. You always see people when they get a new job because it's stressful, it's new, everything's new, right? And imagine our bodies. We seem to have bodies that are...

sometimes a little bit more sensitive to things and changes, whether it's weather, whether it's a new medication, whether it's I didn't get enough sleep last night or I had too much gluten. know, like, it's so stupid. It's like dumb. It's like so, it's like so annoying. You're like, come on, you know.

Yoli Jimenez (01:05:56.194)
Mm-hmm.

Stacie M (01:06:03.74)
Yep. I enjoyed the editing.

Yoli Jimenez (01:06:09.866)
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's not like you're just saying like I went out, you know, party till like 3 a.m. So that's why I'm tired. We had all these drinks. Like it's just just wanted a breakfast, a normal breakfast. Right? With like the meal with some syrup, you know? like and my body didn't like that, you know? It's like... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. It was even something crazy that you did, you know? You didn't get drunk or anything.

Stacie M (01:06:11.298)
No.

Leslie Field (01:06:21.78)
I went into normal breakfast.

Stacie M (01:06:24.861)
you

Leslie Field (01:06:29.101)
So mad, it was so mad at me.

Stacie M (01:06:29.579)
you

Leslie Field (01:06:35.86)
I know. I got wild guys. had pancakes. I had coffee. I had gluten and butter. I think I think you guys know me well. Yes. Yes. That's exactly what did it.

Yoli Jimenez (01:06:39.381)
No!

Stacie M (01:06:41.378)
who added that syrup on there. That was the topper.

Yoli Jimenez (01:06:44.187)
Exactly!

Stacie M (01:06:48.876)
you

Yoli Jimenez (01:06:49.1)
Yeah exactly! You just wanted a normal breakfast. Is that too much to ask? A normal...

Leslie Field (01:06:53.543)
just wanted to be a normal person, I know. I know, I hope this is giving insight into like, we have to laugh about it, because it seems stupid, and I'm sure people have totally judged us more than once. Like all the, judge, I mean, I judge me sometimes, it's not very nice. Like we think it's ridiculous. We think it's ridiculous that like our bodies like go haywire because X, and Z. And yeah, I think that I hold my chronic condition support group and

Stacie M (01:06:56.128)
you

Yoli Jimenez (01:07:06.708)
yeah.

Leslie Field (01:07:21.983)
It's really hard for people. They're like, I wanna work. I wanna be out to either support myself, support my family, or just to be doing something. And I don't think, we're at such the opposite end. I don't think people can even fathom what it would be like to not have their full-time job. Like I said, they're just dreaming of not having a full-time job. And I'm like, but well, we don't have a full-time job.

Yoli Jimenez (01:07:43.928)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (01:07:49.827)
and we feel like shit, so it's pretty horrible. So it's not nice. Like, yeah, we're not going out and having breakfast with pancakes and syrup every morning, guys.

Yoli Jimenez (01:07:57.709)
Thank you.

Yoli Jimenez (01:08:01.322)
No. No. No. And we have doctor's appointments. You know? And we got busy doing other things, you know? So, yes. Yes.

Leslie Field (01:08:05.027)
All the time.

Leslie Field (01:08:10.381)
They want all the blood all the time. They're like, do tests, more blood.

Yoli Jimenez (01:08:15.522)
yeah, yeah, or like in my case, like another ultrasound, know, and it's like, you gotta drink this amount of water and hold it and you know, it's like, my god, it's crazy, it's crazy.

Leslie Field (01:08:27.095)
I know.

Stacie M (01:08:27.49)
I've been going to the East West Clinic over at UCLA. So I've been doing a lot of trigger point injections and acupuncture. so trigger point injections have been helping me tremendously with the muscle tightness, the myofascial pain, the joint pain, as well as they'll do that and then they'll do acupuncture after. Well, I'm just so used to needles at this point, three years down the road.

Leslie Field (01:08:31.701)
Yeah.

Stacie M (01:08:56.662)
that when they do the trigger points, it's like when they first started, it's like, okay, breathe one, two, three. And I'm just chatting away having a conversation with the doctor and she's like poking a prod in my back and my neck and my hips. And I'm like, it doesn't even faze me anymore, you know?

Leslie Field (01:09:05.251)
you

Yoli Jimenez (01:09:13.953)
my god, Stacey, that's hilarious. You know, us in our gowns, you know? We talked about our gowns and our, you know... my god. Rain?

Leslie Field (01:09:16.675)
I know.

Stacie M (01:09:17.117)
ehh... right

Leslie Field (01:09:21.035)
my gosh, do you remember that photo I sent you that funny woman who did that whole thing where it was like a, I don't know who it was, some major place where you buy clothing and that was a legit hospital dress. You cannot tell me it was not.

Stacie M (01:09:24.508)
this.

Yoli Jimenez (01:09:37.166)
my god, that was...

Stacie M (01:09:38.134)
Yoli and I were like, we're gonna wear that the next time we go out on a date. Like, we're just gonna promote chronic illness and be like, this is me. You want me? This is me.

Yoli Jimenez (01:09:42.124)
Yeah!

Yoli Jimenez (01:09:45.598)
Yes! Yes!

Leslie Field (01:09:47.415)
Guys, it was a dress that looked like a legit, it was like a legit hospital gown that they made into a dress. Like, what is happening? What is happening? You should, we should have all bought one. You guys, we should have all bought one and then we should have gone out and been twins or triplets.

Yoli Jimenez (01:09:54.584)
For sure. yeah. yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (01:10:03.234)
We should.

yeah, for sure. I mean we probably still buy one. mean, or we could just get it from our doctor. To be honest, let's be more original. Except ours, you know, is probably gonna have the strings and everything's gonna be showing so we're have to wear two, you know? Bring them back!

Stacie M (01:10:06.786)
templates, right? Yeah. yeah.

Leslie Field (01:10:11.005)
Hahaha!

Leslie Field (01:10:20.579)
You're right. Okay, Okay, guys, don't tell anyone. Everyone needs to steal two at some point. Okay, we need to build up each one of us so that we have two and then we're all going to go out one day. We're actually going to hold it for Halloween next year. That's what we're going to wear.

Stacie M (01:10:22.142)
One the fat women in back.

Yoli Jimenez (01:10:29.92)
Yes!

Yoli Jimenez (01:10:37.388)
That would be awesome. That would be great.

Stacie M (01:10:39.682)
they'll be like, what are you dressed as? Well, me, it's just me. It's my daily attire.

Yoli Jimenez (01:10:42.785)
Myself?

Leslie Field (01:10:48.277)
Me when I'm outside my house, this is what I wear. Yeah. Yeah. my.

Yoli Jimenez (01:10:51.481)
Yeah exactly, exactly. Well I'm gonna get my pair tomorrow so I'll be wearing that.

Leslie Field (01:10:55.907)
Ha

Stacie M (01:10:56.866)
Bye!

Leslie Field (01:10:58.839)
Yeah, get it fun. Hopefully there's a fun color like pink or purple or something. yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (01:11:02.434)
There's never fun colors though, it's always the same, right? But anyways, I'll look through their selection, their grand selection.

Stacie M (01:11:10.461)
There you go.

Leslie Field (01:11:12.675)
my gosh, this is it guys. This is us, living with chronic illness. And Stacy, the ugly, the,

Yoli Jimenez (01:11:14.216)
That is hilarious. That is hilarious.

Yes, the ugly, the beautiful, the not so funny, the not so funny.

Leslie Field (01:11:27.083)
I know. When we're not like giggling about it. That's why I wanted to have you both on because we like to at least just like make fun of it because it sucks.

Yoli Jimenez (01:11:35.468)
Yes. Mm-hmm. It does.

Stacie M (01:11:36.31)
Yeah, we know how it is. I'll never forget, I had a vision when you were talking about your classes that the very first class that I joined, I think we stood in the parking lot for like 30 minutes after the class over there in South Pasadena and we were just chatting for like 30 minutes and then we're like, my gosh, we are like long lost sisters. The first time we met, we all three were like, we connect.

Yoli Jimenez (01:11:48.204)
We did.

Leslie Field (01:11:54.912)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (01:11:55.402)
yeah yeah

Yoli Jimenez (01:11:59.904)
It's like you do that, like you also have pain, like you have a hard time getting up in the morning. my God, so do I.

Stacie M (01:12:03.041)
Right?

Leslie Field (01:12:09.347)
I know.

Yoli Jimenez (01:12:09.752)
It's like, it was just amazing. It was just amazing. Like, my god, like, yeah. Yeah.

Leslie Field (01:12:14.398)
And your timing for was really, really beautiful. needed both of you to come into my life and you did for not just all the reasons we talked about, but just to inspire me to keep doing my, my movement practice, you know, as a small business owner, just trying to get this started and tell people who I am and what I do. it's been really tough. And both of you were sharing with me that it was helping you just relate to your body differently. And Stacy like sharing that was helping you just.

when you're moving and breathing, just feeling your pain in a different way. Like you said, it kind of like went into the back seat a little bit more versus being front and center, which is what they tell you when I'm training in these practices. They tell you that's possible, but to actually hear that that happened to you, I don't know if it happened to you as well, Yoli, but it was a validation that I really needed that, wow, this is really powerful. And...

Yoli Jimenez (01:13:00.909)
Yes.

Yoli Jimenez (01:13:05.592)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (01:13:06.727)
And you both came along in that moment where I'm just like, what am I doing? Like, is this, is this worth it? Like, should I just give up? And I keep having these beautiful women come in my life right when I need you guys to be like, keep doing this. Like, like, you know, just, just keep going because it does have an impact. And let's not forget you both were with me. I met you maybe a month or two before Bear officially passed and you both gave me that wind chime.

Yoli Jimenez (01:13:19.842)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (01:13:30.487)
Yes.

Stacie M (01:13:34.152)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Leslie Field (01:13:35.025)
And do you guys, I mean it, and I still have it. We chime it multiple times a day. We go out in the backyard, we use the chime, and that's his little signature, that's his calling card. We put it right where we had to say goodbye to him in the backyard. you both just, you were two angels who came in at the best and most perfect time in my life. So I'm really grateful for that.

Yoli Jimenez (01:13:58.75)
So yeah, type about you guys.

Stacie M (01:13:59.601)
Animals are very healing. Animals are very... yeah.

Leslie Field (01:14:03.251)
Yeah, but you both understood it. I was like, I don't really even know them. And like, they're gifting me this wind chime and it was just exactly what I needed.

Yoli Jimenez (01:14:03.68)
Yes.

Yoli Jimenez (01:14:13.336)
Aww Leslie, it means so much. mean, just having you two in my life, can't even, like words can't even explain, you know? And so, like I said, like I know tomorrow I'm gonna be going in there and, but I know you guys are gonna be like right beside me. Like I know it. I feel your presence, I feel your love, and I feel you guys cheering me on, you know? Even when I don't wanna cheer myself on. So, yeah. Thank you, thank you. But, yeah. This is, yeah. It's so exciting.

Stacie M (01:14:15.147)
I it.

Stacie M (01:14:20.29)
Right.

Leslie Field (01:14:33.183)
Yeah, we're always there.

Well...

Leslie Field (01:14:41.405)
We could keep talking, I'm sure, for a very, very long time, but this might be the moment to close down our conversation. And I'm just hoping that this conversation can be shared with the wider world so they can see what it's like to even be friends with other people who are struggling, you know, and the importance of that, having the importance of people who understand you, who you don't have to explain to them, or you can just, you know.

Stacie M (01:14:43.797)
you

Yoli Jimenez (01:14:49.741)
Mm-hmm.

Yoli Jimenez (01:14:58.496)
Yes.

Stacie M (01:14:59.251)
Yeah.

Yoli Jimenez (01:15:02.039)
Mm-hmm.

Leslie Field (01:15:07.477)
whinge and whine about stuff and we're like, yeah, we know, we get it. It sucks, know, and validate each other and the importance of that and just the reality of what it's like to live this life. I hope that it's given, you know, the people who can listen to this some insight and a little bit different perspective of like what you see on the cover of what you think it must be like. I'm hoping that this is giving them more of a deeper understanding.

Yoli Jimenez (01:15:32.514)
Yes, yes, yes, for sure. Find your people. Find your people.

Leslie Field (01:15:35.541)
Peace.

Stacie M (01:15:37.526)
Yes. We are still Stacey, Yoli and Leslie. We're just Stacey, Yoli and Leslie with a chronic illness.

Leslie Field (01:15:38.387)
Find your people and a

Leslie Field (01:15:44.957)
Yeah. We are. are. Well, thank you ladies for coming on the podcast. Thank you. I love you. I love you.

Yoli Jimenez (01:15:45.084)
Yeah, exactly. Just some icing on top. That's it. That's it. Perfectly normal though.

Stacie M (01:15:49.054)
There you go. Sprinkles.

Stacie M (01:15:55.158)
Thank you, I needed this.

Yoli Jimenez (01:15:57.112)
Thank you. I love you guys.

Stacie M (01:16:01.014)
Love you too.

Yoli Jimenez (01:16:02.872)
you